The unexpected challenge of coming home

Working through my identity living in a ‘closed’ country

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Returning home after spending time in my host country often brings unexpected challenges. One of the most surprising struggles is the question of identity—how I see myself, how others see me, and how I introduce myself in different contexts. When I’m overseas, I expect to navigate cultural differences. But at home, I don’t expect to feel foreign—yet I do. The identity I carry daily in my host country doesn’t translate the same way at home; this makes the transition more disorienting than I anticipate.

Navigating multiple identities

As I reflected on my identity, I made a list. Among many others, I am a child of God, a daughter, sister, aunt, and niece. Professionally, I am a nurse, childbirth educator, businesswoman, “global worker,” and teammate. Some aspects of my identity, like being a child of God and part of my family, will always remain. Others, like my profession and work roles, will likely change over time.

The way we introduce ourselves often reveals part of our identity, but the content of that introduction shifts depending on the situation. If I find myself in a setting where I can offer health advice, I may introduce myself as a nurse. On another occasion, I might mention my family background, assuming this holds significance for my new acquaintance. Often I describe myself as a businesswoman who loves Jesus. Each of these descriptions is true, yet each emphasizes a different aspect of my identity.

The complexity of identity

Living with multiple identities can be complicated. In my host country, I present myself as I am seen in the community—as running a business to support local women during pregnancy, childbirth, and postpartum. I’m open about my faith, but it’s understood as part of my personal life rather than my profession. I am a businesswoman who happens to follow Jesus. And what do followers of Jesus do? They share and tell others about him whenever and wherever they might be. The local church and our friends know we share the good news, but it’s woven into my identity as a businesswoman, rather than the primary focus.

At home in Canada, my identity shifts because my supporters view my work through a different lens. Since traditionally businesswomen have not been sent by churches, and supporters don’t witness the nitty-gritty details of what I do on a day-to-day basis, they may be more likely to place the emphasis on the gospel work I’m doing and was sent to do. I am deeply grateful for their love and support, but I sometimes wrestle with feeling caught between how I present myself and how they perceive me.

I find that I am most comfortable using the identity of a businesswoman who loves Jesus, which is what I’ve become accustomed to in my host country. This is partly because it has become a daily habit, but also for security reasons. Any introduction that emphasizes my role in sharing the gospel could draw unwanted attention and potentially lead to my removal from the country. (Though unlike in some other closed countries—I can be open about being a follower of Jesus to most anyone.)

I have grown so used to this way of introducing myself that I prefer to use it even when I return home. Sticking to one identity is less mentally taxing because it removes the pressure of deciding how to introduce myself in each new interaction.

Trusting God amidst identity tension

In the midst of these identity tensions, I continually remind myself to trust God. His promises bring comfort and confidence in my calling. To paraphrase Psalm 27:1, the Lord is my light and my salvation—why should I fear any situation that may arise from the realities of my work? Hebrews 13:5 reassures me that God will never leave me or forsake me, and Joshua 1:9 reminds me that he is with me wherever I go, even when identity struggles feel overwhelming. These truths anchor me when I feel uncertain about where I belong or how I am perceived.

For those who support global workers, especially those serving in security-sensitive countries, open conversations about the challenges they face can go a long way in showing understanding and respect for their unique struggles. Also recognizing that business and faith can go hand-in-hand helps believers to see the full picture of the work being done.

Ultimately, no matter how my identity shifts in different settings, my true identity is found in Christ. I am God’s handiwork, his child, created to worship him and to do the good works he has prepared for me. When I rest in that truth, I can navigate the complexities of my earthly roles with confidence and peace.